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Actor Irrfan Khan’s wife Sutapa Sikdar has shared a long note on how she looks at the insider-outsider debate that has been raging in the industry for a few years now. Citing her own example as an amalgamation of varied cultures and ethos, Sutapa said her late husband Irrfan did not seek approval of anyone in Bollywood, neither did he sulk or gossip when not invited to parties or magazine front page photoshoots. She said the actor instead focussed on chiselling his craft.
Sutapa wrote the note on Facebook late Wednesday. She also clarified in the note that it has nothing to do with late actor Sushant Singh Rajput and should be taken in that context alone. In a message to the self-appointed ‘messiah of outsiders’ she also said that the concept of oneness should not be narrowed down to the point that people become the proverbial fogs in the well.
She wrote in her note, “If you consider your work a spiritual quest you won’t be sad if people didn’t call you for their “parties” or did not come for your “premiers”. Irrfan did not get a cover page of a film magazine for many years he did not waste his time gossiping about people or bad mouthing nor did he get depress ,he chiseled his craft ..and refused to be part of it till he got the cover page and he did.(he got mostly depressed not clinically but sad, looking at the disparity in the society.)or once or twice went to a brink of breakdown preparing for roles not because so called insiders did not call him for holi parties. and yes no one dared make fun of him ever on any show or any channel.”
She added, “The point is if you are unable to sustain the indifference of the power people or understand the business of film industry and you want to continue here then you need help and talking to a therapist is not equivalent to be called mad.”
Sutapa began her note with talking about her own roots, “Who is an outsider/one who comes from another state, city , caste, clan? What are roots ? It’s grey the entire area. So lets begin with me I live in Mumbai and I come from Delhi (outsider tick 1)..I am a Bengali but I am not born in west Bengal but born in delhi(tick 2) my roots from both the sides of my parents are very distant now, in Bangladesh which is no more a part of INDIA(that’s a large tick of being outsider) I am a hindu married to a muslim( I don’t know where all I put the outsider tick for this)so who am I?”
Insisting that being an outsider doesn’t make you an object of pity, she wrote, “I am about myself ! I am unique! I am me! I am indian! Hence I kind of feel you the one who is pretending to be the messiah of outsiders who most probably is not even from the industry is putting me into a bracket and underlining for the whole world to see I am an outsider and also hence pity me? I don’t want your patronization. Did you ask any “outsiders “ if they want this intervention?? Or you are self appointed outsiders association of India??”
Urging people to stop inside-outside debate, she said, “Don’t narrow the concept of oneness if one would take the regionalism so strongly you become a frog in a small pond..because I look at many sadhus spiritualist coming from every region but finding solace in Himalayas ..who owns Himalayas ? and when they go their its them they melt to the region not the people of that region? It’s their need to go to Himalayas not those people who are inhabitants on the foothills and no one cares as its purely nirvana. Neither the seeker nor the giver..”
Here is the complete text of the note:
Grave Warning : perhaps longest post in the FB so if you are absolutely bored read on.
Who is an outsider/one who comes from another state, city , caste, clan? What are roots ?
It’s grey the entire area. So lets begin with me I live in Mumbai and I come from Delhi (outsider tick 1)..I am a Bengali but I am not born in west Bengal but born in delhi(tick 2) my roots from both the sides of my parents are very distant now, in Bangladesh which is no more a part of INDIA(that’s a large tick of being outsider) I am a hindu married to a muslim( I don’t know where all I put the outsider tick for this)so who am I?
Do I feel something in my heart when I hear baul music yes I do! is it because my roots are Bengali I don’t know but Bengali music is very nostalgic for me .
but I do feel my heart swings to a qawaali too..!! do I remember only a Bengali song when sad ?no not any more..it could be all you know a hindi film song the industry I belong to for last thirty years which I listen to when I am sad “agar tum saath ho”is my all time go to music .
so with my example I can say I am a sum total of culture background atmosphere upbringing sensibility exposure and much more..
What defines me is what I am now today and not definitely my roots only and hence i need not become “Bollywood” to practice my craft too ..
I am about myself ! I am unique! I am me! I am indian! Hence
I kind of feel you the one who is pretending to be the messiah of outsiders who most probably is not even from the industry is putting me into a bracket and underlining for the whole world to see I am an outsider and also hence pity me?
I don’t want your patronization. Did you ask any “outsiders “ if they want this intervention??
Or you are self appointed outsiders association of India??
I eat Bhakhri listen to Marathi songs.
Stop this! This inside outside theories it works only in design journals.
Don’t narrow the concept of oneness if one would take the regionalism so strongly you become a frog in a small pond..because I look at many sadhus spiritualist coming from every region but finding solace in Himalayas ..who owns Himalayas ? and when they go their its them they melt to the region not the people of that region? It’s their need to go to Himalayas not those people who are inhabitants on the foothills and no one cares as its purely nirvana. Neither the seeker nor the giver..
If you consider your work a spiritual quest you won’t be sad if people didn’t call you for their “parties” or did not come for your “premiers”. Irrfan did not get a cover page of a film magazine for many years he did not waste his time gossiping about people or bad mouthing nor did he get depress ,he chiseled his craft ..and refused to be part of it till he got the cover page and he did.(he got mostly depressed not clinically but sad, looking at the disparity in the society.)or once or twice went to a brink of breakdown preparing for roles not because so called insiders did not call him for holi parties.
and yes no one dared make fun of him ever on any show or any channel .
The point is if you are unable to sustain the indifference of the power people or understand the business of film industry and you want to continue here then you need help and talking to a therapist is not equivalent to be called mad.
It’s a simple thing no one owns Bollywood until or unless you think there are some people who own this industry.
The Bollywood couldn’t do a shit about Irrfan getting Hollywood offers.
I am happy! And obviously some aren’t comfortable in their skin hence you love shredding characters and strangers in pretext of being the well wisher ..wish well for yourself and the world would be a lovely place to be.
In these kind of crusaders words Irrfan could be an ‘outsider’ too.
But he wasn’t he chose to be what he was an objective witness to this jamboree
called Bollywood.
Did he miss the parties as some call them imperative to attend to feel wanted and be part of the Bollywood? No he didn’t even feel to be part of vacuous stuff also without being cynical he was a great believer in individual choices.
But why would he have felt left out?? May I know? In one hand we call them toxic and on the other we are offended if they don’t include you. It’s a weird desire you are yourself giving them the power by seeking for their validation.
As for me I am not weak nor do I feel shattered if I am not part of the coterie of film stars/star wives because I have a life and I don’t give anyone to decide my life style.
I am not ashamed to wear clothes designed by me. I don’t give people the permission to judge me hence they can’t judge me/my clothes/my choices/ and the same worked for Irrfan. No he did not feel the victim.
One advice to the newcomers who want to be actors and not only stars, give them (as some people debate has made it into “them” and “us”) only due importance. the moment one gives undue importance to any prevalent trend in film industry and their lifestyle it becomes painful and pathetic for you .you are the person who has to evolve and what is the point of evolving if you can’t ignore people who don’t matter.
How can you be called a victim unless someone forces you to get sucked in .
Stand tall and fight for your rights. Get your priorities right Don’t whine because you are not inner circle. You can feel indifference towards them and survive because the inner circle is not worth you you are.
In the end of the day you choose to be who you are no one else does it for you. So your weaknesses are yours, your fears are yours,your fight is yours. May you survive in the most dignified way because that will determine what you are made up of.
Ps : please don’t remark without reading the whole post.
Pss : it has nothing to do with SSR.
Sutapa is currently in London.
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